Updated: Nov 9, 2021
Controlling relationships are all around us, sadly the narcissistic domineering personalities who drive these relationships are far too commonplace, every one of us can probably recognize the signs in other peoples lives but not in our own, whether through embarrassment, denial or just accepting that this is “normal” and it’s the way things are supposed to be.
It is not, every single person on the face of the earth deserves better, deserves respect, deserves love, deserves freedom… deserves true happiness… it is their god given right, and nobody has the right to strip that from you based on their own selfish needs and wants.
The following are 12 signs that you may be in an abusive relationship… even if you think you aren’t… all I ask is that you read them… with an open mind… and honesty in your heart… then read my conclusions… and really think about what I say in my conclusions….
If this resonates with you it’s time to ask yourselves … do I deserve better than this.. do my children deserve better?
12 SIGNS YOU ARE IN AN controlling RELATIONSHIP
1. SOCIAL ISOLATION
Your controller will slowly isolate you from those that love you & care about you, they will stop you from having contact with your friends and family, and will use this time while you are isolated from them to convince you that these people are toxic or dangerous. They will turn you against the people they see as a threat to their agenda.
Their ultimate goal is to completely strip you of your support network so the only person you feel you have left is them. This also makes you less likely to stand up against them because you feel alone and dependent on them.
2. CONSTANT CRITICISM
Criticism will begin small and be built upon, some may feel this initial criticism is warranted or that their controller is simply trying to help them be a better version of themselves… but this is never done through criticism … you help people to grow by encouraging them & raising them up … not by putting them down.
It doesn’t matter how small each individual criticism is, if it’s a constant dynamic in your relationship that you are never good enough the way you are and constantly need improvement then you are not being valued in this relationship as a true equal & never will be.
Threats are not necessarily physical they can be something as simple as taking away certain privileges for what they deem unacceptable behavior on your part… “if you don’t do this then you can’t do this.” This creates a situation where the controller traps the person in that relationship out of fear, fear that if they do not comply with these things they will be harmed either physically, or emotionally.
The biggest emotional threats used are losing a home, access to their own children, or financial support. These are all weapons to abusers that they will use to assert their control over you.
4. ENDLESS CONDITIONS
This feeds off of the threats, but having endless and never ending conditions placed upon you is a form of control, the more you keep complying with these conditions to attempt to placate them, the more the conditions fly in… what you wear, where you work, when you go out, who you talk to, when you can speak, what you can say… you will never be good enough for someone with this personality… they will just keep adding endless conditions upon you, making you change your entire being while they do nothing.
5. USING GUILT AS A TOOL
These kind of people are skilled manipulators and they will manipulate your emotions to get their own way, Guilt is their preference, they will go out of their way to make you feel guilty about everything, if you are not complying with their constant demands then the repercussions of that is your fault, if anyone gets hurt in the process that’s your fault, they never take responsibility for their own actions and never tell you the truth, because if you knew the truth you would know where the guilt really lies.
6. CREATING "DEBT"
These skilled manipulators in the beginning may seem awesome, because that’s the facade they put on to get their claws in, they may shower you with gifts initially & seem great, but once they have you all of these things are debts that they will hold over your head and use use to make you feel beholden to them. This makes it even more difficult both logistically and emotionally to escape when the warning bells finally begin ringing in your ears.
A controller typically feels it’s their inherent right to spy on you, and require constant disclosure from you. They demand that you share everything with them, this is a massive violation of boundaries. They will check your phone, log into your email, track your internet history, watch your social media accounts, tell you who you can talk to, delete messages you receive or posts they don’t want you to read that hurts their narrative. This feeds into them controlling who you have contact with.
They will constantly justify this behavior with things like “If you're not doing anything wrong, then you shouldn't mind showing me." It's a HUGE violation of your privacy, hand-in-hand with the unsettling message that they have no interest in trusting you and instead want to take on a police-like presence within your relationship. Once you give them this power they will never relinquish it.
8. MAKING YOU EARN TRUST
Trust in a relationship should never have to be earned it should be automatic - you shouldn't always have to detail your whereabouts for every moment of every day, nor should your partner automatically have the right to access your email or texts or Internet search history. If trust or even civil treatment is viewed as something you need to work up to rather than the default setting of the relationship, the power dynamic in your relationship is off-kilter.
9. BELITTLING YOUR BELIEFS
Maybe it's your faith or your politics… Maybe it's cultural traditions or your view of human nature. It's great when our partners can challenge us in interesting discussions and give us new ways of looking at the world. It is not great when they make you feel small, silly, or stupid, or they consistently try to change your mind about something important to you that you believe in. Openness to new experience is wonderful—but a controlling partner doesn't see it as a two-way street, and only wants you to be and think more like they do.
10. FAMILY HISTORY
It’s important to pay attention to how the parents and grandparents of these controlling personalities act within their own relationships, a personality is formed very early on in a child's development, usually between the ages of 5 and 7, and the environment they are raised in has a huge influence on the person they become and how they themselves see the roles in the relationships around them.
If for example their father is narcissistic and disrespectful towards their mother, if they are female they will feel it’s normal for them to take on a subservient role, whilst a male will feel the opposite that it is their place to be controlling and domineering, this is also an important factor to pay attention to because the scenario you project to your own children by remaining in this sort of relationship is one that they too will grow up believing to be "normal" as it’s what they themselves were witness to whilst their own little personalities formed, this cycle needs to be broken to stop this behavior continuing for generations to come.
Narcissistic personalities will attempt to mimic traits & interests that they feel you are interested in or that you desire from them when they feel they are losing control of you, or the relationship. This will always include a feigned interest in things that are important to you, but it will never last, the endless promises to change and do better… or build back better… never amount to anything other than to give you a temporary false sense of security by making you believe that they have somehow had a complete personality transplant, they can never keep this up, because a leopard never changes it’s spots, it’s just another ruse to manipulate you into compliance.
Do you find yourself lying to your friends and family or hiding things from them because you are either embarrassed to admit the truth or deep down you know that they will be massively concerned if they knew the truth? If you are creating falsehoods and are lying to those that care about you in order to placate those controlling you then something is very wrong. It’s the age old “I walked into a door scenario” when you most certainly did not or “I can’t meet you for coffee because I’m sick” when you are completely fine but you are forbidden from leaving the house. This is not normal and if you are lying to people it’s because deep down you know it’s wrong.
Some people reading this may have come to the stark realization that this article describes their relationship with a partner or spouse… if that’s the case then please RUN … seriously get the hell out of there as fast as you can because contrary to what they have probably made you believe you 110% deserve better.
But I can guarantee you that those who read it and were like "yeah… I know this… I’ve seen it in my friend/colleague/family members life" are sat there completely oblivious to the fact that they too are in an abusive relationship RIGHT NOW.
The truth is that EVERYONE reading this right now Is in this relationship, it’s not a romantic relationship or a marriage but it’s a relationship that’s destroying YOU and the life you deserve.
That relationship is the one between you and the government/leaders of which ever country you are reading this from, THEY are YOUR abuser... just allow that to sink in.
This particular abusive controlling relationship is worse in a lot of ways because they are not one man or woman they are many and they have the back up of large corporations & agencies to control and manipulate every aspect of your life…. And they have been doing it since the moment you were born.
THEY decided what you learned in school, THEY dictated to you then what was appropriate to wear & how to act, this continued into your adult life where THEY controlled the information you received through the tv on your wall, and the internet, THEY censored things they didn’t want you to see, fed you their lies & their narrative and YOU have never known any different… so YOU accept it.
THEY control your income, your outgoings THEY can cause a crisis on anything they like and a shortage on items you rely on at the snap of their fingers, THEY have been dictating to you your entire life, and YOU obliged without even processing that these people may not have your best intentions at heart.
And all the while THEY thrived & became richer at YOUR expense while you constantly struggled to make ends meet.
Then 2020 happened and THEY went full on psycho, & this was enough to wake a lot of people up .. but sadly not enough.
With Covid they locked the entire world in their homes, and made them rely on them and only them and the platforms THEY have control of to communicate with your friends & family … if your friends and family said the wrong things THEY began to block them & censorship went wild because THEY only want you to hear and see what THEY permit you to see and hear.
THEY told you what to wear… THEY manipulated you through fear and in turn YOU accepted gagging yourself before you dared venture out in public in your slave mask by plying you with fake guilt… by constantly telling you "if you don’t wear this mask you will kill grandma"… "YOU must comply"… "if you don’t wear it you can’t get groceries to feed your family" … "YOU must comply"… "we will fine you if you don’t do what you are told"… "we will arrest you"… "YOU MUST COMPLY."
Then THEY developed a vaccine… and rushed it through… and it’s literally killing people… and THEY are censoring the shit out of the true amount of deaths from this thing, but YOU were told to dutifully go get your shot… and they promised you that if you did as you were told you could take off your mask… go see granny… so you went…. But it wasn’t enough… they changed the goalposts… that’s what abusers do… ITS NEVER ENOUGH.
Now you needed 2 shots… YOU dutifully complied… but it’s still not enough… so there will be endless boosters because once you gave them this control over you they were NEVER going to relinquish it…
And now you must have a vaccine passport to be able to function in THEIR society,.. and this passport will expire if you ever stop complying with these boosters… because you MUST obey.
Then they introduced "No Jab no job"…. Industries like healthcare which are already on their knees are firing hundreds of thousands of workers who will not comply in the middle of a damn pandemic & still YOU continue to comply with this madness because they have completely brainwashed YOU for your entire life into thinking they give a damn about you… THEY DO NOT CARE … and the truth is they never have they only care about themselves and keeping that control which you are so eagerly handing them on a plate by being a "good citizen".